call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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