Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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