Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
