I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
