I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
