Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
