She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
