I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize
