I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
