i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
