It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
