i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
