I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
