and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
