I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
