I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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