i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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