Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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