dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
