All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
