dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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