I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
