Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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