Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
