I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found your dick twin last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
