after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
