Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
