i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
