I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
