idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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