I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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