So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
