the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
