Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
