i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
