My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
