Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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