thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
