I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she looked like the before picture.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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