I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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