it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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