I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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