fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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