I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
