I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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