Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
