My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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