Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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