I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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