you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
