Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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