Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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