We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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