My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
