The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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