he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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