i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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