we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
