dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Never joke about your clitoris.
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