my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
