Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
