I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
