I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
